From the moment we are born, a smile crosses our parents' faces. We realize that we are good enough. From rolling over onto our tummies, to losing teeth, to making an A on a report card, we receive gratification that we are worthy of being loved and feeling successful.
At what point though, do we feel like we are not good enough?
Is it when your family gives you the silent treatment, when you receive a rejection letter in the mail, or when you get hassled daily by your boss? Keep thinking...there you've nailed it. It is that moment in life when you think you've found that unconditional love, that love that lasts forever, but reality kicks in and you see that, that's not the case. Why? Because this person who gives you the butterflies and makes you feel that puppy love over and over again constantly reminds you that no matter what you do, you could always do better. You're not good enough. It is a cycle that begins somewhere in life and doesn't stop until you realize you're the essential ingredient that keeps it going. At the most, one can call it perfectionism. In a relationship, it is the cause of a broken heart in every love encounter. For those who still deny they have fallen in this trap, this is what it looks like.
You're good enough to have sex with but not good enough to marry.
You're good enough to hang out with but not good enough to be my boy/girlfriend.
You're good enough to talk to but only when I feel like I don't have anybody else.
You're good enough to have my kids but not good enough for me to stay with you.
It hurts, but it is the truth. I've had the epiphany that I'm lured to people who make me feel like I can do better, like my actions, love, friendship were/are not good enough. I have constantly lowered my standards on how I want a relationship/friendship to be in order to make the relationship work. Whether it always saying, "Yes" or acting less intelligent, and none of it worked. It never worked. Unfortunately, the moment I found someone different, I didn't completely handle it. I feel as though I could have inflicted the "not good enough" feelings on someone else. I sincerely hate that, that may be the case, and that I may be jaded in a way that I may have jaded others.
So it's time to stop the cycle. Let's shake "the not good enough" clothing off and find what we truly love. Let's find the person who knows how worthy he/she is to get our love. But first things first, we have to realize our worth, and once we do that, the rest will come.
i agree with this post. no matter what guy i have interacted with, i've found myself "not good enough" for some things but seemingly perfect for others. my last official relationship was some years ago and since then it has been a cycle of being good enough for almost everything except be in a relationship with. when i finally decide i've had enough, the guy(s) slowly come rolling in with wanting more time or feeding me some line. all a bunch of BS. people treat us the way we allow them to. i feel as though once i decide to be more than "enough for some things," that person will come along who i will be "enough for everything."
ReplyDeleteI say, be yourself in a relationship, if a guy loves you and truly loves you for who you are then that is great. You shouldn't have to be what you think he wants you to be to make a relationship work. If you had to be someone else, then you aren't being to true to yourself. So, I'm glad that you realized that.
ReplyDeleteOnce you know what you want and pray for it, Go look for it. Don't allow yourself to just wait. look for it, I'm sure your mate will be looking for you. Some people may not agree about a woman finding a mate b/c i've heard a lot of women say, "HE FOUND ME". However, you had to be looking as well if you saw something in you wanted and/or was looking for in a man, to even go out with him.
I say, your mate will see that you are good enough regardless of your flaws. B/c none of us are perfect, although you have people who think that they are. But, your mate will not reveal your flaws, he will help you improve them.
I used to feel like I wasn't good enough. Not necessarily pertaining to a man, but being a little girl, to a lady, to a young women. It was b/c of how I saw myself in comparison with other women my age. I was hard on myself. I felt like I had to take what I could get b/c I felt I wasn't good enough. Low self-esteem is a beast.
After reading the lastest post and rereading the blog, I came to a realization. It's not that I'm particularly attracted to people who remind me that I could do better or after reminiscing about friendships, that I used to hang with people who did the such. Everyone in this world has the power to treat others kindly and the power to accept or reject how others treat you. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." So it's not a matter of the blame game but telling people and letting them know, this is how I deserve to be treated, and if I'm not then I'm not obligated to be your friend or anything more than that. The power is in each individuals hands.
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