Good News

To all of my supporters and fans, thanks for being there for me and this blog. With the help of God and you all, I'm now a writer for a website. Please visit the link below for new articles and feel free to post comments. Remember feedback, helps me know what to write for my audience. Thanks so much, and I will continue to update the blog to let you all know what is going on with love.

http://www.examiner.com/x-61996-Charlotte-Relationship-Advice-Examiner

If you have trouble with the link, post about it, and it will be fixed.

Passing Me By

It's not me....
It's that girl, this girl, and the girl over there.
Love keeps passing me by.

I pray and make a list.
I have talks with the evangelist....
But Love keeps passing me by.

Stay true to my virtue and values.
Always have hope and don't sing the wedding blues.
Yet Love keeps passing me by.

I see the bells, the rings, and flowers,
The dresses, the cake, and the columns that tower.
Is it me?

No.......

It's not me...
It's the friend, a cousin, a stranger, or ex-lover.
Love keeps passing me by.

Written By: A. Stinson

Illusions of Love

Relationships come and go. Love lingers and sometimes fades. But it's only after a relationship has ended that we realize the illusions of love. The fantasies that we put into our head to make the relationship work even though our hearts tell us otherwise. The ideas we persuade ourselves to believe in.

Illusions differ from person to person but there is one thing that all who share in these illusions have in common: the perception of these illusions are so real that only outsiders can see the reality. Friends, family, and other loved ones sense the truth and remind us of it, but we can be so deceived by the illusion that we believe no one, only the fantasy.

So let's face the reality. At some point, we've been in an illusion of love.

• You believed that the person you loved wanted to be with you the way you wanted to be with him/her.
• You believed the person you loved had changed and was a new person.
• You believed your man/woman was not cheating on you.
• You believed the person when he/she said, "I want to be with you" though he/she never asked to be in a relationship.
• You believed having a child would change the relationship.
• You believed changing yourself would make him/her love you more.

The list can go on, but it tells us is that illusions of love only serve us FALSE HOPE. It traps us into belittling ourselves and failing to realize our self worth. It prevents us from moving on because the illusion has made us feel safe and comfortable. Because of the false hope and deception it provides, some remain in the illusions of love for years. For the others who find reality, it hurts. It saddens you to know the truth and deepens the scars in your broken heart. But do realize a better day will come. When you find the person who is for you, he/she will fulfill all of your fantasies of how REAL love should and does exist.

The Twilight Debate

Since the first exposure to the Twilight series, women have been faced with the dilemma of choosing a side: "Team Edward" or "Team Jacob." While this may just seem like a movie fad, choosing a side and analyzing why you've chosen that side will tell you a lot about your desires within your love life.

For those not up to speed on these two characters, Edward is very chivarlous. He captivates women with his genuine charm as he professes his love and affection towards his lovely lady any moment he can get. He believes in virtue and bliss. While his rival, Jacob is playful yet masculine. Jacob displays his passionate feelings through words, jealousy, and anger. Let us not forget, he delights in the sex appeal.

We find these characteristics and learn to love some of them, but when discussed, most women automatically side with "Team Edward." So the question is - Why? Why do women pick Edward? Is it because he shows the kind of love we yearn for in a mate? Is he the man we want our spouse to be? Is it because he truly reminds us of the loved one we already have?

And what about the ones who pick Team Jacob. Is Jacob chosen because he's the Mr. Right Now who we want to fulfill every lustful desire with? Are we on his team because of his masculinity? Or is he chosen because some of us have falling so much out of love with love that we don't believe the Edwards exist; therefore, settling for Jacob?

Either way, the choice is yours. You have chosen. Now, you must figure out the reason for your selection and reflect to find an epiphany within your love.

He is...I am...

He is my truth.
He is my love.
He is my everything.

I am his muse.
He is my king.
Eternal bliss....is what this love brings?

Written by: Yours Truly (A. Stinson)

The Night Rider

When we hear the words Knight Rider, we are reminded of David Hasselholf in his sleek, black car and the sexy theme music that lingers in your head. Yes, the knight rider. But the night rider I'm talking about this time is quite different. This night rider is part of our intimate true self, the part that comes out at night. It's at night, that we reveal our vulnerablities. Some escape into the worlds of fantasy and hope while others kick back into a world of life achievement. Which night rider world are you living in?

The Mournful Night Rider: This person escapes into the closet of sorrow. Tears flow and cries are made with this night rider. Whether it is over the loss of someone, disappointment, or regret, no one may recognize the solemn side of this person unless it is surfaced to the light.

The Sexual Night Rider: This person gets his/her thrill by letting go of any inhibitions and lives for the pleasurable moment. Now there's a little bit of the Sexual Night Rider in us all. You could be the creeper, the booty-caller, the one who dresses up for the spouse, or the one who has sexual desires but saving it for marriage. Why deny, if you know it is true.

Maybe you fit more with the Clubbing Night Rider. This rider just enjoys letting loose and having a good time. Life is about getting the job done in the day and drinking and dancing at night. Carpe Diem!

Now into the more logical night riders.

The Happy, Safe Night Rider: The person who could hang out at Jillians, watch a movie, or eat at a bar. Anything can be of good fun as long as it is safe, and everyone is enjoying themselves. These are the people that you see in the light who always have something positive to say and are always smiling. Though it may annoy you, you know they keep the world going.

The last night rider is the Family Night Rider. This is the rider that at some point in our lives, we long for if we do not have it. At night, this rider is at home with the family. He/she has had family dinner time, has played a few board games, and has tucked the little ones in. The rest of the night is spent with delightful, quality time with the spouse.

Our lives are entangled with so many things, that at some point we may fit the definition of each night rider. Some of you may fit into other types of night riders. The goal is to know yourself and act according to the person you want to be. It is who we are that attracts a certain type of person. If you don't want to be the Mournful Night Rider who attracts unstable people or part of the Sexual Night Rider who attracts the person who likes friends with benefits, now is the time to make a change.

Relationship Insanity

It has been said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. When we say this definition out loud or in our heads, we think to ourselves that we never fit the definition of being insane. There could be some truth to that, but what about the concept of relationship insanity.

Relationship insanity occurs when you're with someone and somewhere in the relationship, you and your partner repeat the same actions, thinking there will be a different outcome, but of course, there's not.

For the daters, do you ever find yourself always being the one to call the guy/girl, planning the date, only to get ignored or stood up? If you do this with every girl/guy you meet, you are putting yourself in relationship insanity. The person who truly deserves your time will make more than enough effort to date you without thinking twice about it. So have patience and wait for it.

Think about the "on and off" relationship. While the partners may change an action or two, more break ups only signify relationship insanity. The major change to break the pattern is to give the relationship a complete rest. After all, if it is meant to be, it will be, just not now.

So we hit on those love me, love me not relationships, but what about the people who are already couples? Yes, you may have relationship insanity too. Ever have the same conversation over and over again. You all say different things, but in the heart of the conversation, it may be the same topic. Whether it's about money, sex, chores, quality time, friends, or family, that topic always appears. The best thing to do is come up with a solution that BOTH partners can agree on. If someone brings it up, there has to be someone who will say "We've already solved this issue, and unless the solution has been unproductive, we don't need to discuss it again." Now, I'm not saying deny hearing each other's feelings, but you have to admit that some people just like to talk, and if you let them, they will.

The truth of the matter is that the hope we feel within the depths of our souls may put us in these insanity cycles. It is not the hope that is wrong but our mentality. Sometimes we are hoping for the wrong things. Hope that one day, you will meet the person you deserve, but don't put you're hope in something you already know won't work. Hope that you and your spouse will accept and understand each other for who you all are, not that you can change each other. Think about your perspectives on what you hope for and things may begin to change for the better and not the worse.

Good Enough

From the moment we are born, a smile crosses our parents' faces. We realize that we are good enough. From rolling over onto our tummies, to losing teeth, to making an A on a report card, we receive gratification that we are worthy of being loved and feeling successful.

At what point though, do we feel like we are not good enough?

Is it when your family gives you the silent treatment, when you receive a rejection letter in the mail, or when you get hassled daily by your boss? Keep thinking...there you've nailed it. It is that moment in life when you think you've found that unconditional love, that love that lasts forever, but reality kicks in and you see that, that's not the case. Why? Because this person who gives you the butterflies and makes you feel that puppy love over and over again constantly reminds you that no matter what you do, you could always do better. You're not good enough. It is a cycle that begins somewhere in life and doesn't stop until you realize you're the essential ingredient that keeps it going. At the most, one can call it perfectionism. In a relationship, it is the cause of a broken heart in every love encounter. For those who still deny they have fallen in this trap, this is what it looks like.

You're good enough to have sex with but not good enough to marry.
You're good enough to hang out with but not good enough to be my boy/girlfriend.
You're good enough to talk to but only when I feel like I don't have anybody else.
You're good enough to have my kids but not good enough for me to stay with you.

It hurts, but it is the truth. I've had the epiphany that I'm lured to people who make me feel like I can do better, like my actions, love, friendship were/are not good enough. I have constantly lowered my standards on how I want a relationship/friendship to be in order to make the relationship work. Whether it always saying, "Yes" or acting less intelligent, and none of it worked. It never worked. Unfortunately, the moment I found someone different, I didn't completely handle it. I feel as though I could have inflicted the "not good enough" feelings on someone else. I sincerely hate that, that may be the case, and that I may be jaded in a way that I may have jaded others.

So it's time to stop the cycle. Let's shake "the not good enough" clothing off and find what we truly love. Let's find the person who knows how worthy he/she is to get our love. But first things first, we have to realize our worth, and once we do that, the rest will come.